Why I Made This Club

Trigger warning: anxiety, depression, ptsd, abuse, neglect

Photo by:  Amanda Hill

So, I did an interview a while back in which one of the questions was "have you gotten any negative feedback about the club." My own naivety had me thinking that this was a silly question, because how on earth would someone find something wrong with our club?! Well, someone did. One girl even went as far as to mail her membership card back, which is fine, that's her prerogative. I absolutely get that this club is not for everyone. Realistically there is no way it could be, but I wanted to chat for a bit about who I am and what this club is trying to accomplish. 

The person who mailed their card back said that the club does not paint an accurate picture of what strong women look like, seemed to be encouraging wallowing and that we are latching onto the new wave of people who see mental illness as something trendy they can throw on with their high waisted jeans and claim to have when they don't. 

It sucks that we have come across that way, even to one person. It was never my intention to do such a thing. 

I, myself, have struggled with depression + anxiety since the age of seven. I have PTSD from sexual abuse from my childhood. I have no relationship with my parents due to several things that I went through in my teenage years. When I met + married my husband, for the first year or so of our marriage, I was still having nightmares about all of these traumas. I would wake up screaming + husband would have to get up, turn on the lights to show me I was safe and that no one was in the house. After I had my kids, postpartum depression kicked my ass. I cried every day, all day for 4 weeks. I didn't want to be near my children, I didn't want to be near anyone. Some days were worse than others + I wouldn't be able to get myself out of bed. I would just lay there + cry. I only just began taking medication this past year to help me manage my depression + anxiety. I'm finally starting to feel like a human being. I still cry, I still feel things and struggle with my mental health but I have found a regimen that works for me so that I can live my life as the best me I can be. My life is no longer run by my depression. 


Do I want you to wallow? 

No. Every now + then, I believe you need to have a good cry and sit with your feelings in order to kind of hit your emotional reset button...but wallowing? No, not at all. Feelings are there to be felt + if you choose to ignore them + "power through" without allowing yourself some emotional release, that usually doesn't end well. Feelings, good. Wallowing, bad.

Do I want you to give in to your depression? 

Absolutely not. If you find yourself at a place in your life where your emotions are no longer manageable for you, then please seek help. You're the only one who can know what's going on inside your body. You + you alone know what you need to feel, heal + deal. I do encourage you to find a way to do this in your own life that works for you. 

Is mental illness a trend? 

No, my blue hair was a trend. A trend I loved + actively decided to make a part of my life. My mental illness is not a trend. My mental illness is a part of me that dominated my existence for a very long time. My mental illness is something I never would have asked for in a million years nor would I wish on anyone. My mental illness is a piece of my life that takes constant work to manage but I am managing it.

I began this club as a small inside joke for myself + other "crybabies". I wanted it to be a polite but sassy "hey, kick rocks" to people who had called me names + looked down on me for being too sensitive. After we started though, everything sort of took on a life of its own. The Crybaby Club resonates with so many people + for me it was a breath of fresh air to see how many people out in the world connect with my message.

We do not romanticize mental illness, we advocate for mental wellness. 

We DO want you to know it's ok to feel things, to cry; it is a natural stress reliever + it can sometimes make you feel a thousand times better. 

We DO want to support you while you take charge of your mental health; make a promise to yourself that this is the day, the week, the year that you begin to cast out whatever you've been keeping inside. Be kind to yourself, show yourself grace on your bad days + never be ashamed of who you are or to ask for help. 

"You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split...We've all got both light + dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." ― Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I may cry but I can still get things done. 

That's what The Crybaby Club is, guys.
That's who I am.

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