The Elephant in the White House

I have been trying to write this post for a few days now and I keep coming up blank. 

What can I say to those of us who voted for change only to still see this race coming down to the wire? 
What can I say of those who voted for 4 more years of bigotry, homophobia and racism?
What magical sentence can I string together to ease the collective anxiety of the nation (and the world) right now? 

These are big questions with even bigger, deeper and more upsetting answers. So naturally... I have had a hard time articulating them. In many ways I have spent the last few days in a haze. I realized on the eve before election night just how much I had been dissociating to cope with everything over the last 4 years. I began to panic. Nothing major, I didn't have a meltdown but I did realize the gravity of it all. It could all stay the same while simultaneously getting worse or we could collectively sigh in relief as we attempt to take a step towards normalcy once again. 

NOTHING about the last 4 years WAS NORMAL. 

Stating the obvious, neither option is a great option. Biden wasn't my first choice or my second to be honest, but he is who got pushed to the front of the democratic line and he is miles and miles and miles (and miles) better than the moron we currently have. I may never live to see a candidate that I 100% agree with at every turn make it onto the ballots. The likelihood of that is not in anyone's favor. There will ALWAYS be something wrong with everyone. However... looking at the numbers and the votes as they rolled in, I am so unbelievably disappointed (but not surprised) in the amount of racists people who STILL - after the last 4 years of fuckery - voted for Trump. They looked at the 2 candidates and found themselves aligning more with an ignorant, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, chauvinistic white supremacist bully bitch. Disgusting. Every single one of you should be ashamed.. but you aren't. What a joke.

I am the only one in my family (besides my husband) who voted for Biden. To say I find this embarrassing is the understatement from hell. I expected more from the people I share DNA with and that was my mistake. You'd think I would've learned by now, so maybe I'm the idiot. I don't know. I just wanted to assume that everything that I saw and heard Trump do or say or attempt over the last 4 years... other people also saw and decided enough was enough. But no... they wanted more. I am just tired man. I am tired and I am disappointed and I am angry. 

I am rambling, which is not surprising. I am either at a loss for or overwhelmed with words at all times and there is no in between. Let me switch gears here and offer some light. 

You do not owe anyone anything. This is an incredibly stressful time for us as humans and Americans. I know that there are things we have to do (like work and eat and whatever) but as far as the menial things that you and I both do from day to day... you do not owe anyone anything. You take care of yourself however you can. This goes double, triple, quadruple for my BIPOC friends. You and your votes undeniably carried Biden to the finish line and you've been literally carrying the rest of this country on your backs for decades. I want so badly for you to find peace and get to rest. Rest, rest, rest as you need babies. I see everything you do, the power you have, the light that you are. 

It is ok if all you've done the past few days are breathe, wake up, take some steps and exist. 

I said this on IG the other day, but I may as well put it here too. It helps me to make a list of small things to do (ie make my bed, brush my hair, etc) and every small thing I do, I get to check off the list. When you are hurting, small things can feel like big things. It is hard to do anything at all and I get that. So don't beat yourself up and instead celebrate your small wins. You are doing your best. 

Now switching gears...

If you voted for Biden...

the fight is not over if/when he wins the presidency. There is still much work to be done. It is a step in the right direction, a step back towards normalcy as I previously stated, but it isn't the finish line. We still have a long way to go. 

If you voted for Trump... 

I hope that you know that I not only think less of you but do not want your business or your support. Now that may seem harsh or like a huge risk as a small business owner in the bible belt. While I agree that it is a risk to my business, I do not care, nor do I find it harsh. From the very beginning, I made this club to be an all inclusive, safe space for people around the world to meet, heal, talk and connect. I, myself, am an ally and I try to be a better ally with each day. I have donated money, energy and time to the BLM movement, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood and I will continue to do so as circumstances allow. I am also bisexual and stand in solidarity with my fellow LGBTQ+ folks. I am an atheist, a trained abortion doula, a mother of two, unapologetically pro choice, a mental health advocate, I believe in science, I wear my mask, I believe that no one can be illegal on stolen land, I proudly say defund the police, I recognize that the institutions our country was built on are racist to their core and in dire need a complete redo in order to achieve equity and equality for everyone regardless of their race, religion or otherwise. It seems like a no brainer to me. Everyone deserves their best shot at their one life. With all of that in mind, it should be crystal clear that every single thing that Trump stands for goes against everything my brand and I stand for, and since you voted for him YET AGAIN, I can only assume that you stand by what he stands for. So it shouldn't shock you at all to hear me say that you are not a welcome here. I am not sorry. You should be though, because you clearly thought of no one outside of yourself, your race, your tax bracket when you checked the box next to that fool's name. Now, there is also the chance that you are reading this, voted for Trump and are young, misinformed, have not done enough research, or simply voted the way your parents did, etc. There is still time for you to figure things out and I hope you do. It is never too late to look a little deeper, read a little more, ask the hard questions, have the uncomfortable conversations, unpack your privilege and inherent racism and choose growth over comfort. 

It is a weird, heavy time right now and on top of everything else, we are still social distancing so I am feeling very alone right now and I would guess you are too. You are not alone though, even if you feel like you are. I am here, I see you, I hurt with you and you are allowed to lean on people around you. Even if those people are pixilated on a computer screen. 


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